So, I weighed in this morning and now weigh 290 pounds. That would mean I have lost 16 pounds. YaY...whoop-di-doo! Instead of celebrating it I am having an absolute fit about this lifestyle today. . . well it's really just a minor temper tantrum. It's just too hard when soooo many different people are having B-B-Q's and I can't go because I am not ready to be around food yet. I get hurt when people don't invite me to their parties . . . but they are just trying to be sensitive to me. Then I get angry if they do invite me to their parties because I feel like they are being insensitive by having the party at all. AAAAAAHHHHHH! I frustrate myself. I find myself wanting those around me to suffer alongside. As awful as it sounds, that is the truth. I want Jeff to eat beans, cauliflower and other yucky things . . . just so I don't have to smell yummy things and wish I could have some. Gosh . . . I am so loving, selfless, and Christ-like. I can't even imagine how frustrating it must be to be one of those around me right now.
Please PRAY for me. I desperately want to be normal . . . I want to be thin enough to feel comfortable in my body and healthy, but I don't want to feel like an outcast or so selfish and angry all the time as I do now. I want to be, less short tempered and more kind. I desperately, desperately want to feel what it would feel like to not have this suffocating addiction to food.
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Wow, Lee, I can't even tell you how much I can relate to this. I have felt all these things, often daily. I love you and will be praying for you. Just know that you're not alone. I am struggling right along with you, sister! And be encouraged that God wants us to win this battle with food because He doesn't want anything to come in between us and Him, so He is on our side! That's what I'm telling myself too. Love you... Hannah :)
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