Well . . . I was gonna write this post as soon as I got down to 280 pounds . . . but to my excitement the scale never read 280. This morning when I stood on the scale it read 279. That would mean I have now lost 27 pounds! As soon as I lose three more pounds I will have lost 10% of my body weight. That will be so very exciting. I would like to achieve that goal by the time of my surgery. That gives me 12 days . . . I think I can do it.
I think It is about time to post the next set of pictures. I will have Jeff take some this weekend and then we will post them. I am starting to see some differences . . . but I still have so far to go. My chin and cheeks are a bit smaller. My pants are a bit looser. The biggest difference is my energy . . . I have so much more. I can also breathe a bit easier and I can keep up at work a lot easier. However, I still don't fit in a movie theater seat. That will be an exciting day. I still get stared down by strangers and feel like an outcast in public. I still prefer to stay at home and avoid social settings. I look forward to that changing. It won't be long now!
I had one of my Pre-Op appointments yesterday. This was the first of three. I had an EKG and some basic labs were drawn. Then I had an appointment with Seema, the Dietitian. She talked a lot about the after surgery dietary needs that I will have. She talked about the different dietary stages I will go through over the next couple of months and throughout the coming years. It was pretty cool because this was done in a classroom setting. There were 6 other people in the class that are all having surgery around the same time as me. It was a lot of info, slightly overwhelming but as I took notes I started to feel more calm, prepared, ready and organized. I can do this . . . I know I can!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
APPROVED!!!
Today @12 noon . . . I received a call from Dr. Legha's nurse Susan. She said that she had called my insurance company to follow up on our request for approval for my surgery earlier in the morning. She mentioned that after a 45 minute phone conversation with them she finally received the official confirmation of APPROVAL! I will be having the Gastric Bypass surgery on October 5th. YaY! YaY! YaY! I am soooooo excited . . . I just can't hide it! (I just sang that ,and It's a good thing you can't hear me.)
So now I can RELAX . . . well that's a bit of a stretch. I have a lot to do to get ready. I promise I will keep you all updated throughout this entire process. It's gonna be a ride . . . I hope you'll join!
So now I can RELAX . . . well that's a bit of a stretch. I have a lot to do to get ready. I promise I will keep you all updated throughout this entire process. It's gonna be a ride . . . I hope you'll join!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Well I have been waiting since August 12th to find out if my insurance company will authorize my Gastric Bypass Surgery. I was supposed to be given an answer no later than September 10th . . . and now it is September 17th and I still have no answer. My Surgery is scheduled for October 5th which is only 2 and a half weeks away. I hate waiting. Which is precisely why I think I have to wait. There is something to be learned in everything we go through. I can fight it . . . or I can choose to learn through it. Please pray for me to have patience during this time of waiting so that I can learn all that God wants me to learn.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Down 20 Pounds!
So it has been kind of a crazy, full week. I have missed being able to update you all on my progress. So my most exciting news is that yesterday I weighed in @ 286lbs . . . yep, that would mean I have lost so far a total of twenty pounds. I am super ecstatic with these quick results being that it has only been three and a half weeks since I started.
Now for the sobering moment . . . I CAN'T TELL! I am realizing more and more how big 306 pounds really was. I know, I carried it around for a while, I worked with it, I slept with it, I walked with it, I looked at it in the mirror, I dressed it, I even poked fun at it . . . But I don't think I ever really accepted it. You know the kids that play hide and seek . . . but stand in the middle of the room only covering their own eyes thinking If I can't see them then they must not be able to see me! That would be me. If I dressed my body really cute then maybe I was not really 306 . . . or at least I didn't think I looked it. I would do the makeup, hair, nails all in hopes to hide the truth. The saddest reality I am coming to know is that weight does not hide nor does what has created the weight in the first place. Sure, parts of my face may look a bit smaller, my pants may be a tiny bit saggier . . . but for the most part my now 286 pound body is the same. I realize that to loose 20 pounds is a big deal, and I realized today how much further I have to go. Not discouraging . . . just sobering!
The VERY unsexy truth is that the 20 pounds I have lost I have traded for, awful breath even after brushing my teeth 8 times a day! I have become gassier then you want to know about and my hormones have gone awack (beware all slow drivers on the road) I have had to set up a standing apology with my very patient and very loving boyfriend. My face is more broken out then EVER before and my hair is brittle, dry and dare I say thinning!
Many people have asked me if I have anything visual to encourage me. I do! I made a huge chart on a poster board of the progress of my weight loss. Every time I weigh in I add a corresponding dot. Right now the graph is plummeting. It sits next to the TV in the living room, serving as a constant reminder of the goals I have set for myself. I find myself smiling every time I look at it because I feel as though I am achieving success.
Well I think that is all for now . . . I will write more soon!
Oh wait . . . I have to add a little homage to the Magic Bullet Blender my friend Kim gave me. Well you see I could not have achieved the type of success I have achieved thus far if it were not for the Magic Bullet Blender. That little portable blender was awesome and went everywhere with me . . . until Thursday night. It was as ordinary a night as any other. I was at work and it was time to blend a shake. I put everything together and turned on the blender. Not a moment later I noticed a puff of smoke come from the back of the blender so I hastily turned it off . . . not soon enough. My Magic Bullet Blender is now dead, but I will forever be grateful for the help it gave me. Yesterday Jeff bought me two more portable blenders . . . one for work and one for home. How's that for support!!!
Now for the sobering moment . . . I CAN'T TELL! I am realizing more and more how big 306 pounds really was. I know, I carried it around for a while, I worked with it, I slept with it, I walked with it, I looked at it in the mirror, I dressed it, I even poked fun at it . . . But I don't think I ever really accepted it. You know the kids that play hide and seek . . . but stand in the middle of the room only covering their own eyes thinking If I can't see them then they must not be able to see me! That would be me. If I dressed my body really cute then maybe I was not really 306 . . . or at least I didn't think I looked it. I would do the makeup, hair, nails all in hopes to hide the truth. The saddest reality I am coming to know is that weight does not hide nor does what has created the weight in the first place. Sure, parts of my face may look a bit smaller, my pants may be a tiny bit saggier . . . but for the most part my now 286 pound body is the same. I realize that to loose 20 pounds is a big deal, and I realized today how much further I have to go. Not discouraging . . . just sobering!
The VERY unsexy truth is that the 20 pounds I have lost I have traded for, awful breath even after brushing my teeth 8 times a day! I have become gassier then you want to know about and my hormones have gone awack (beware all slow drivers on the road) I have had to set up a standing apology with my very patient and very loving boyfriend. My face is more broken out then EVER before and my hair is brittle, dry and dare I say thinning!
Many people have asked me if I have anything visual to encourage me. I do! I made a huge chart on a poster board of the progress of my weight loss. Every time I weigh in I add a corresponding dot. Right now the graph is plummeting. It sits next to the TV in the living room, serving as a constant reminder of the goals I have set for myself. I find myself smiling every time I look at it because I feel as though I am achieving success.
Well I think that is all for now . . . I will write more soon!
Oh wait . . . I have to add a little homage to the Magic Bullet Blender my friend Kim gave me. Well you see I could not have achieved the type of success I have achieved thus far if it were not for the Magic Bullet Blender. That little portable blender was awesome and went everywhere with me . . . until Thursday night. It was as ordinary a night as any other. I was at work and it was time to blend a shake. I put everything together and turned on the blender. Not a moment later I noticed a puff of smoke come from the back of the blender so I hastily turned it off . . . not soon enough. My Magic Bullet Blender is now dead, but I will forever be grateful for the help it gave me. Yesterday Jeff bought me two more portable blenders . . . one for work and one for home. How's that for support!!!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Dependency
Why when I feel pain, does Burger King seem like it could be the only fix? I'm sure that many of you could ask the same question only adding a different item. Isn't it so annoying? The feeling of dependency is overwhelming and frustrating. I want to be free.
In my daily devotional I was led to read a passage in Hebrews that says one of the purposes of Jesus' death and resurrection was to "deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage" (Heb.2:14-15). I think that applies not only to physical death but also in some believers' lives to the fear of "dying" to emotional supports we have allowed to become addictive. In my case food. Is my next fix of an over indulgence of food more important than what God has for me?
In my daily devotional I was led to read a passage in Hebrews that says one of the purposes of Jesus' death and resurrection was to "deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage" (Heb.2:14-15). I think that applies not only to physical death but also in some believers' lives to the fear of "dying" to emotional supports we have allowed to become addictive. In my case food. Is my next fix of an over indulgence of food more important than what God has for me?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
I did It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok . . . so seriously you all must think I am soooooo psycho! One day I am up and the next day I am down and so on. I really feel like I am on a roller coaster. My emotions are fierce. I have got them all: happy, sad, angry, melancholy, hurt, bitchy, bitter, anxious, ecstatic, hopeful, jealous, lonely, un-Godly, satisfied, excited, miserable and selfish. I am positive there are more . . . but I am sure that by now you get the picture . . . I feel like I am going crazy in my own skin. Please bear with me while I am on this journey. I really want to learn ALL that God has for me to learn on the way.
There is good news . . . no GREAT news. I DID IT! I went to two parties today. One at my parents house and another at my best friends house. There was a ton of food available: hamburgers, chips, fruit, soda, salad, cookies, smores, cheese (cheddar, for those of you that have read my very first post) and apple pie. SHEESH . . . It was crazy . . . but I did it! I did not eat anything other than the shake and entree from my program. As it is said in my program . . . I stayed in the box! I am actually sooooooooooooo proud of myself. I proved to myself that I could do it. I am not gonna lie to you, sitting at a table with people eating cheeseburgers, dripping with grilled onions and avocados, I just wanted to lick their faces . . . YES that was HARD not to do. But I got through it . . . I did it!
There is good news . . . no GREAT news. I DID IT! I went to two parties today. One at my parents house and another at my best friends house. There was a ton of food available: hamburgers, chips, fruit, soda, salad, cookies, smores, cheese (cheddar, for those of you that have read my very first post) and apple pie. SHEESH . . . It was crazy . . . but I did it! I did not eat anything other than the shake and entree from my program. As it is said in my program . . . I stayed in the box! I am actually sooooooooooooo proud of myself. I proved to myself that I could do it. I am not gonna lie to you, sitting at a table with people eating cheeseburgers, dripping with grilled onions and avocados, I just wanted to lick their faces . . . YES that was HARD not to do. But I got through it . . . I did it!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
290
So, I weighed in this morning and now weigh 290 pounds. That would mean I have lost 16 pounds. YaY...whoop-di-doo! Instead of celebrating it I am having an absolute fit about this lifestyle today. . . well it's really just a minor temper tantrum. It's just too hard when soooo many different people are having B-B-Q's and I can't go because I am not ready to be around food yet. I get hurt when people don't invite me to their parties . . . but they are just trying to be sensitive to me. Then I get angry if they do invite me to their parties because I feel like they are being insensitive by having the party at all. AAAAAAHHHHHH! I frustrate myself. I find myself wanting those around me to suffer alongside. As awful as it sounds, that is the truth. I want Jeff to eat beans, cauliflower and other yucky things . . . just so I don't have to smell yummy things and wish I could have some. Gosh . . . I am so loving, selfless, and Christ-like. I can't even imagine how frustrating it must be to be one of those around me right now.
Please PRAY for me. I desperately want to be normal . . . I want to be thin enough to feel comfortable in my body and healthy, but I don't want to feel like an outcast or so selfish and angry all the time as I do now. I want to be, less short tempered and more kind. I desperately, desperately want to feel what it would feel like to not have this suffocating addiction to food.
Please PRAY for me. I desperately want to be normal . . . I want to be thin enough to feel comfortable in my body and healthy, but I don't want to feel like an outcast or so selfish and angry all the time as I do now. I want to be, less short tempered and more kind. I desperately, desperately want to feel what it would feel like to not have this suffocating addiction to food.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
THANK YOU!
I just wanted to take this time to thank all of you, my dear friends and family. I am so very grateful for the encouragement, the support and the prayers that you daily continue to give me. When my strength gives out....I know that you are praying. When I feel down...I read and reread your comments and feel lifted up. *T*H*A*N*K* *Y*O*U*
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
All about Gastric Bypass
So I had my appointment with Dr. Legha yesterday. . . and I am sure that some of you are probably wondering who he is. In July 2007 I asked my primary care physician Dr. Patz to refer me to a Gastric Bypass surgeon. I remember at 275 pounds feeling very frustrated, helpless and very emotional about my weight. I felt that I had tried everything . . . Basic calorie counting, Weight Watchers, Healthy Way, Personal Trainers, Slim Fast Program, Atkins Diet, South Beach Diet, LA Weight Loss, Prescription weight loss drugs, herbal supplements, appetite suppressants, psychiatrists, therapists.
Dr. Patz referred me to see Dr. Legha in Mountain View. I think it was in October 2007 that I first saw him. He said that my BMI (Body Mass Index) was high enough to help qualify for the surgery. . . however there was a long process of hoops to be jumped through, prior to surgery approval. I said, "I was ready!". . . "What do I need to do?". . . and "How do I get started?" He told me I had to attend two monthly orientation meetings, have a psychiatric evaluation and have an interview with the Nutritionist in their office. After completing this list of requirements and loosing the required 20 pounds by June 2008 we were ready to submit our claim/request for the surgery to my insurance. Surgery was scheduled for August 11, 2008. On August 4, 2008 the day of my pre-op appointment we received word from the insurance company that my claim was denied. The insurance company said that they would not pay for the surgery because I had not done a consecutive 6-month weigh-in program with my primary care doctor.
I was crushed . . . I had worked soooooooooo hard to get to this point. I was so crushed in fact that I took a couple of months to reevaluate if I even wanted the surgery anymore. I went through a period of time where I was angry at God. I could not understand why He would let me get so close to actually having help with my weight problem and then take it away from me. During this time I became very depressed . . . and gained almost 25 pounds. I went ahead and did the consecutive 6-month weigh-in and actually did it for 8 months . . . Just to be sure!
Now here we are . . . September 2009. I saw Dr. Legha yesterday and everything is all done. The claim/request has been submitted to the insurance company again . . . my surgery is scheduled again . . . and we are waiting again. My surgery is scheduled for October 5th 2009. Everything looks like it will work out this time . . . but I thought that the last time! I need to have total reliance on God . . . I know He knows what He is doing.
So, in this time of waiting and relying on God, I continue to do this HMR weight loss program. I am succeeding. Today I weighed in @ 292 pounds. YaY! Do I even need to have the surgery? Could I possibly loose this weight without? Surgery is forever! I was told that with the surgery I would be trading one disease for another . . . Morbid Obesity for Malnutrition . . . That is sobering! I have also been told that people that are as overweight as I am, have hardly any chance of really succeeding at loosing all the weight on their own and an even harder time being able to keep it off without the surgery. I recognize that the surgery is just a tool . . . I still have to do all the work, eat smaller portions and excercise. I see the people that I know that have had the surgery and I watch their quality of life . . . I am jealous! They seem to be living their lives to the fullest.
Right now I am on a steam train doing the HMR program of weight loss until October 5th and then I PLAN on having the Gastric Bypass surgery. I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing. Please join me in praying for clarity of God's will, courage to follow through and to hold strong and steadfast to my conviction of living a healthier lifestyle! Thank you for being in my support network . . . I sooooo appreciate all of you, my family and friends!
Dr. Patz referred me to see Dr. Legha in Mountain View. I think it was in October 2007 that I first saw him. He said that my BMI (Body Mass Index) was high enough to help qualify for the surgery. . . however there was a long process of hoops to be jumped through, prior to surgery approval. I said, "I was ready!". . . "What do I need to do?". . . and "How do I get started?" He told me I had to attend two monthly orientation meetings, have a psychiatric evaluation and have an interview with the Nutritionist in their office. After completing this list of requirements and loosing the required 20 pounds by June 2008 we were ready to submit our claim/request for the surgery to my insurance. Surgery was scheduled for August 11, 2008. On August 4, 2008 the day of my pre-op appointment we received word from the insurance company that my claim was denied. The insurance company said that they would not pay for the surgery because I had not done a consecutive 6-month weigh-in program with my primary care doctor.
I was crushed . . . I had worked soooooooooo hard to get to this point. I was so crushed in fact that I took a couple of months to reevaluate if I even wanted the surgery anymore. I went through a period of time where I was angry at God. I could not understand why He would let me get so close to actually having help with my weight problem and then take it away from me. During this time I became very depressed . . . and gained almost 25 pounds. I went ahead and did the consecutive 6-month weigh-in and actually did it for 8 months . . . Just to be sure!
Now here we are . . . September 2009. I saw Dr. Legha yesterday and everything is all done. The claim/request has been submitted to the insurance company again . . . my surgery is scheduled again . . . and we are waiting again. My surgery is scheduled for October 5th 2009. Everything looks like it will work out this time . . . but I thought that the last time! I need to have total reliance on God . . . I know He knows what He is doing.
So, in this time of waiting and relying on God, I continue to do this HMR weight loss program. I am succeeding. Today I weighed in @ 292 pounds. YaY! Do I even need to have the surgery? Could I possibly loose this weight without? Surgery is forever! I was told that with the surgery I would be trading one disease for another . . . Morbid Obesity for Malnutrition . . . That is sobering! I have also been told that people that are as overweight as I am, have hardly any chance of really succeeding at loosing all the weight on their own and an even harder time being able to keep it off without the surgery. I recognize that the surgery is just a tool . . . I still have to do all the work, eat smaller portions and excercise. I see the people that I know that have had the surgery and I watch their quality of life . . . I am jealous! They seem to be living their lives to the fullest.
Right now I am on a steam train doing the HMR program of weight loss until October 5th and then I PLAN on having the Gastric Bypass surgery. I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing. Please join me in praying for clarity of God's will, courage to follow through and to hold strong and steadfast to my conviction of living a healthier lifestyle! Thank you for being in my support network . . . I sooooo appreciate all of you, my family and friends!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Freedom from this Addiction
"...Christ has made us free..." Galatians 5:1
(With that freedom, we can challenge others by having the courage to be bold in our convictions, confident in our eternity, brave in the battle, and trusting Jesus through it all.) Not sure who wrote that or even where I got it from.....but boy do I BELIEVE it!
Today I find myself on my knees praying for the FREEdom from this ugly addiction. I so badly want to indulge in my cravings ... but have a clear peace that God has something better in mind. How do I keep that focus? Gosh, I have a long way to go.
Today I find myself on my knees praying for the FREEdom from this ugly addiction. I so badly want to indulge in my cravings ... but have a clear peace that God has something better in mind. How do I keep that focus? Gosh, I have a long way to go.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Why my Blog Name
"Not just a pretty smile" kind of a different Blog name I know, but oh sooooooo meaningful to me. I have been told my whole life by multiple people, "You have a very pretty smile." Nothing bad on the surface but what I have always heard is "It's a bummer that you are so fat, but at least you have a pretty smile." I realize that people are just trying to give me a genuine compliment and there I go scrutinizing it. However, I just long to hear something different. My solace comes from the fact that God looks at our heart and hence the title. I think there is more to me than "Just a pretty smile."
Up one pound . . . Really? . . . I didn't even get to cheat
Oh goodness . . . so today I woke up with the worst neck pain ever. I must have slept wrong. Then I chose to stand on the scale. I was up one pound. Aaaggggghhhh! I swear I have not cheated . . . For gosh sake, since I started this program, I have not even licked a finger, tasted a morsel, or picked up a crumb that I am not supposed to. Very frustrating, slightly discouraging . . . But not enough to take me down! I am off for a walk, oh yeah and another shake . . . More later!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
In the begining @ 306......and that's not the time!
Well here it is . . . a slightly unedited version of me. Today is August 30th 2009, and I want to share with you a bit about me and a bit about the journey I have decided to embark on. Maybe you want to join me . . . maybe you want to stay far, far, far away from me (I don't blame those of you that chose this option), and maybe you just want to watch me . . . nonetheless I am here.
Being Fat sucks! I HATE it! (I yelled that . . . could you hear me?) There you have it . . . That is REALLY, REALLY how I feel. I hate walking in crowds and seeing the stares. I hate going to church . . . I don't fit in the seats and the ones in the front mean I have to walk in front of everyone! I HATE how much my body hurts all the time. When I am at someone's house I have to be careful what seat I choose because I might break it . . . Theme parks are humiliating . . . I don't fit on any rides anymore . . . What is the point of even going. I see strangers look at me and then directly at my belly . . . as if IT was waving at them! I see kids whispering to their parents and pointing . . . Those incidents are the least painful, because for the most part, kids are just curious. Yes, of course, parts of my childhood play into my weight issues, as do my metabolism, my ethnicity and my . . . But the reality is, those are all excuses. It has been my choice to become the way I have become . . . and I am DONE!
My Name is Lee Dantzler and I am a food addict. Well, I am a . . . pasta, bread, cheese (Cheddar to be exact, but I'll take any kind) chips, candy, salt, cookies, crackers . . . In short carbohydrates and fats addict! When I weighed in on August 4th 2009 I weighed 305 pounds. On August 18th I weighed 306 pounds. On August 19th I started a medically supervised weightloss program called HMR. I am happy to report that today . . . this morning I weighed 293 pounds . . . It has been a really long eleven days . . . . . . But down 13 pounds! I'll take it!!! HMR stands for (Hungry Mother Rucker :) j/k. It really stands for Health Management Resourses. They give you the food that you are allowed to eat . . . Shakes, shakes and more shakes, two entrees a day and up to two bars a day. The food does not taste all that bad . . . It is just hard to give up variation and cravings.
I remember a couple of weeks ago Jeff and I went to the Silver Spur for breakfast. I whined and complained the entire hour we waited to be seated . . . Oh how I would gladly wait two hours now, I'd even sit perfectly still . . . Just to have anything on their menu. I gotta keep this up! My moods and emotions have gone crazy haywire . . . In another post at another time I will share more . . . but for now . . . Not Just a Pretty Smile is signing off. Gotta go make a shake!
Being Fat sucks! I HATE it! (I yelled that . . . could you hear me?) There you have it . . . That is REALLY, REALLY how I feel. I hate walking in crowds and seeing the stares. I hate going to church . . . I don't fit in the seats and the ones in the front mean I have to walk in front of everyone! I HATE how much my body hurts all the time. When I am at someone's house I have to be careful what seat I choose because I might break it . . . Theme parks are humiliating . . . I don't fit on any rides anymore . . . What is the point of even going. I see strangers look at me and then directly at my belly . . . as if IT was waving at them! I see kids whispering to their parents and pointing . . . Those incidents are the least painful, because for the most part, kids are just curious. Yes, of course, parts of my childhood play into my weight issues, as do my metabolism, my ethnicity and my . . . But the reality is, those are all excuses. It has been my choice to become the way I have become . . . and I am DONE!
My Name is Lee Dantzler and I am a food addict. Well, I am a . . . pasta, bread, cheese (Cheddar to be exact, but I'll take any kind) chips, candy, salt, cookies, crackers . . . In short carbohydrates and fats addict! When I weighed in on August 4th 2009 I weighed 305 pounds. On August 18th I weighed 306 pounds. On August 19th I started a medically supervised weightloss program called HMR. I am happy to report that today . . . this morning I weighed 293 pounds . . . It has been a really long eleven days . . . . . . But down 13 pounds! I'll take it!!! HMR stands for (Hungry Mother Rucker :) j/k. It really stands for Health Management Resourses. They give you the food that you are allowed to eat . . . Shakes, shakes and more shakes, two entrees a day and up to two bars a day. The food does not taste all that bad . . . It is just hard to give up variation and cravings.
I remember a couple of weeks ago Jeff and I went to the Silver Spur for breakfast. I whined and complained the entire hour we waited to be seated . . . Oh how I would gladly wait two hours now, I'd even sit perfectly still . . . Just to have anything on their menu. I gotta keep this up! My moods and emotions have gone crazy haywire . . . In another post at another time I will share more . . . but for now . . . Not Just a Pretty Smile is signing off. Gotta go make a shake!
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